Get Your ‘But’ Outta Here

Have you noticed how the word ‘but’ can ruin just about anything?

I really liked your presentation BUT it went on a little long.

I loved the restaurant BUT it was a little too noisy for me.

I think she’s a really sweet person BUT maybe a little too nice.

But…but…but.

Isn’t it just like us to rip the positivity away by pulling the rug out from underneath the compliment?  Why do we feel we need to do this?  What causes us to qualify a nicety by taking it down a notch?

I think it’s because we like to complain.  We are afraid of letting a wonderful thing just be wonderful.

Maybe because we are taught to analyze…to swirl our opinions around like wine in a glass…to see if it has legs.  Maybe it’s because, at our core, we have a place of negativity that needs to be released.

It always makes me think of the old adage – if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all – spoken by mothers the globe over.  It makes sense – biting our tongues, or rather stopping them mid-sentence, can be the best way to communicate.  Saying something nice – and leaving the ‘but’ behind, is the only way to go.

In trying to explain something in-depth, a but can come in handy.  “I wanted to tell you but I was afraid you would get mad” is a means to verbalize your fear.  Or, “I love when you stop by but next time give me a head’s up” is a way to express your preferences or your needs.  It all depends on how you say it, how you phrase it.  Using your ‘but’ to diminish, will never rank high on the kindness scale.

Use your but wisely. – BB